Really, who are you?

Hola amigos and amigas. Como estas? (This is the only Spanish I know other than "Buena" and "Gracias", so don't act smart and try replying in Spanish. Don't make me Google Language Tool your reply. It's too much work :-D ) If you liked the "Quote your status" post, then you may like this one as well. So, read on.

Now, if you've read the "What does Axe do when he's bored?" post, you'll know that at times I social networkise. The other day I was orkutting and I saw my "Recent visitors" list. There was this "thing" there. It went something like "Life's like a black man's left arse..". Believe me, I was intrigued. Who is this creature? Where is he from? etc. So, I clicked on that "thing" and I saw this profile. The "About me" section said something like, "..neither is it fair nor is it right". Really interesting, eh? NOT AT ALL! Why not? Because I still couldn't make out who this person was. So, I looked at the top of the page and I see that this creature is on my friend's list. WOW! Who is this creature? How do I know it? So, I checked the albums. Ahhh the first one is full of Pink Floyd pics. Nice, but useless right now. So, the next one has pics of cars and bikes and, ahhh yes, there he is, bare-chested without a great physique. Oh yea, this guy went to school with me. Now I remember who he is. How wonderful. I had a good mind to scrap him about this and let out all my frustration. But then I realized, it could be worse. Like so many others that I've seen on orkut, he could very well have not put up his pics at all and used an e-mail address that was no way connected to his real name, and I would have to do a complete Sherlock Holmes on him. Anyway, so I decided the only way to let out my frustration was to blog this. So, here I am.

I wonder what these people are really thinking when they come up with such ideas to change their profile names. I understand that you got a nice nickname that you REEEEEALLY like and would like to share with the world. But c'mon, at least think of those who have to think so much to just know who you are. If your name is "Life is like a black man's left arse..", then what am I supposed to make of this? Your first name is "Life" and your last name is "Arse" and "is like a black man's left" is your middle name, I suppose? Or if you're a South Indian, your first name is "Arse" and your last name is "Life"? Well, then I don't see any reason why you should be offended if I call you "Arse" or "Black man" (Though I would stick to "Arse" because the other one is definitely racist while I'm not). I mean, seriously my friend, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? Isn't your given name enough for you? If you don't like it that much, why don't you really get your name changed to "Arse"? I am sure you'll love it when people refer to others by your name, eh? Doesn't matter if it's used in an insulting way. We use Shakespeare's name to insult people with good vocabulary, don't we? I really don't understand why someone would want to name himself/herself after a quote. Would you really introduce yourself as "Opinions are like assholes"? "Hi, my name's Assholes. Opinions are like assholes" (In James Bond style). I wonder what your parents would really think if they saw that. Anyway, besides that, how do you expect your long-lost friends to find you on these sites? I would NEVER in my wildest imagination, think of looking for Mr/Mrs. Opinions are like Assholes, or Mr. Life is like a black man's left arse, when I want to to know if my friend is on orkut. This bring us to the other kind of name changers who are a lesser nuisance. They are the ones who use special characters to write their names. An example, Mr. /-\|\|/-\|\||). (Mr. Anand, in case you can't make out). WOW, Anand, you can use symbols to type your name! AWESOME! But, what if I'm your long-lost friend who wants to get in touch with you? Am I supposed to dream up that you mentioned your name on orkut that way? Of course there are worse cases too. The ones who delete all their scraps, remove all their pics (even the display pic) and change their name to some thing like ". ." Why the hell do you need to change your name to an unpronouncable symbol? Who do you think you are? Prince? Absolutely stupid and unworthy of remaining on my friends list, I would say.

Then comes the other fun part of their profiles. The "About me". In Mr. Left Arse's case, it read "..neither is it fair, nor is it right." So, that's your "About me"? Here's what I could make of it: You are not fair and you are not right. Let's take the first one, "Not fair". Does that mean you're dark? But your pics say otherwise. So, I guess it means you're unfair i.e. a cheat. Remind me to delete you from my friend's list, "pal". I don't befriend cheats. Then there's the other part, "Not right". Does that mean you are always wrong or that you a leftist (communist)? I don't mind your political opinion, but if you're wrong, then DEFINITELY remind me to delete you from my list. I don't want a cheat who is always wrong, as a 'friend". And if you aren't one of these or this isn't what you meant, then why didn't you think before you put it there? Then there are those whose "About me" is 2-3 pages long. I agree I had Marilyn Manson lyrics in mine once. I am guilty as charged, too. But that was waaaaaay back. I was stupid too. Anyway, now I know how painful it is to scroll through 2-3 pages of lyrics that are supposed to tell me about someone. In addition to that, some people put the names of each artist they listen to and each movie that they like even remotely. I've done the artist thing myself, but then I realized, isn't it easier to just mention the specific genres and some of your favourite artists? 5 or 6 sounds good. Not a 100! Funny thing is that I see this list most in those who love rock and metal. As if the more bands you listen to shows how big a fan you are. I am a rock and metal fan too. I mentioned them too. But I guess now I understand how much of a nuisance that is. As for movie lists that resemble IMDB's Top 250 list, I don't think I need to comment on them. :-)

Another pain-in-the-wrong-places thing is when people fill their albums with pics that have NOTHING to do with them. I understand those who put pics of their room, their surroundings, pics taken by them, etc. They are related to your life, so it's ok. But c'mon, pics of celebrities, bikes, cars, etc? You put a pic of Tom cruise as your profile pic. Am I supposed to think that you look like Tom Cruise? If you like Aishwarya Rai, put her poster of her in your room. I don't wanna see her pic that you downloaded from Santabanta.com or Indiafm.com, in your album! If you don't like to put your pics in your album, then please don't put ANY! We aren't forcing you to. Please don't waste our time with those.

My last resort when it comes to finding out who the creature is, is to check the e-mail address they are using to log into orkut. It gets extremely frustrating when even that isn't connected to their real name. Then, I'm totally lost. Unless I remember the address, I have no idea who the creature is and how I know it. Why can't you leave at least some part of your profile to help me identify you? If your name, pics, "About me" and e-mail address don't give me any idea about who you are, then I don't really see a reason why I should keep you on my list, because technically, you are a stranger to me, and strangers are never "friends".

I guess a lot of us face the same problems that I have mentioned above. Unfortunately we can't do anything about it, as some of these people are our "friends". I just wrote this post, so that someday if Mr. Left Arse or Mr/Ms/Mrs Opinions reads it, they'll know exactly how we feel about it. Ahhhh, now I feel so much better. Thank you for bearing with me and my frustration :-) Keep reading on for the next post and pray it's a bit more interesting ;-) Ciaoies amigos and amigas (Don't even think about it!The Spanish thing, I mean :-P )