Am I Evil?

"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist" 

- The Usual Suspects (1995)

We're always trying to be good, nice, perfect, heaven-worthy, human...anything that shows we have intelligent control over our emotions. We're made to believe that we shall be rewarded for all that. We believe we don't believe in those rewards - we do it because we're good.

But, what good is intelligence if you can't test it? What good is anything if you don't have the courage to push it? If the fear of the rope snapping is keeping you from bungee jumping, can you really call yourself someone always up for challenges?

I challenge everything - my intelligence, my humanity, my "niceness". After all, had I not done that 26 years ago, I would not know how to crawl, walk, talk or hold a spoon. When is it that we start letting the fear of pain or non-conformity stop us from "trying something different"? So, I push myself as much as I can until I see where my limits lie.

How loud can I listen to music before I lose my hearing? How much weight can I gain before I get disgusted at the guy in the mirror? How much gore can I watch before I start feeling queasy? How much physical or mental pain can I take before I snap? How long I can I stay calm in a tense situation? How bad can my thoughts get?

Ever read about those people who put puppies in bags & drown them in rivers or those serial killers or people that keep others captive & torture them? Ever wondered what makes a person so evil? I have. But most of us stop there. I go further. I put myself in their shoes & wonder what would motivate a normal person to do that. Is it really a psychological condition? Is it some wrong signals in their brains? Then why don't we see that in apes or any other intelligent animals? If a cheetah can develop maternal instincts toward a baby baboon, surely she is intelligent enough to do something more sinister.

You put yourself in the shoes of "evil people" & you see things that you don't wanna know. You realize that any normal person could become like them & continue living like that forever without anyone finding out. Is it strange that most cases never get solved? If you believe that the world is what shows like CSI or Criminal Minds tell you, then this is your "Wake the fuck up & look around" call.

Of course, by now, you probably think I'm some kind of sick twisted person that should be put in a straitjacket & left to smear their own feces all over a room with padded walls and I don't blame you. Being brought up in a world where the only path you're taught to walk down is the path to conformity. As soon as you stray from it, you are labelled a traitor, a rebel, a crazy, etc - anything that will make you feel "abnormal".

What is normal? A set of rules defined by a set of people who believe they're right? So, those African cannibal tribes aren't wrong are they? Their rules state that they maintain the size and prosperity of their tribe by killing their own. Oh, but they're uncivilized, aren't they? Funny how we do the same in a broader sense and just call them "soldiers" and not "sacrificed tribesmen".

War is different you say. No one eats their own countrymen. Sure, we don't. The tribesmen sacrifice maybe one or two people and eat them. We sacrifice hundreds and thousands for our so-called freedom - an abstract emotion that only feeds our so-called minds and big egos. And we call ourselves "civil".

Talking about evil people, what do you do to a man who kills another man? You either lock him up for eternity or hang him. In both cases, you are eventually taking his life - a metaphor for killing. As Gandhi once said, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind". And that is what we have become - blind. We do not see what we have been told not to see.

Of course you want to "See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" but there is no "Understand no evil". So, what happened there?

These are the questions I ask and those are the questions I try to answer. I'm pretty sure you've heard the phrase "Get to the root of the problem". Of course you can't do that if you don't dig deep enough. Not every problem is like a banyan tree - way too complex but with all the roots visible high above the ground. Instead, if you'd like to get to the root, you need to dig hard and deep and you will get your hands dirty and that is what I do.

It is only after you've dug deep enough and looked at every possible cause that you realize that the basic idea behind every evil thought and every evil deed is very simple. It is not a matter of motivation or psychology or a medical defect in a person. It is the basis of human nature itself that is the reason behind us noticing this behavior in human beings only: "Our ability to question"

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is our ability to question that is the reason why serial killers are who they are and people throw puppies into rivers. It is the reason why people keep others captive and rapists do what they do. It is the ability to question that makes us want to harm someone else or get into fights.

"What? That makes no sense" is what you'll say and I agree because it's exactly what I told myself a few moments ago. You see, when I started writing this article, I was questioning myself "How deep can I go? How evil can I be?" and  I came to the general conclusion that most people end up the way they are because they have control over who they want to be.

Contrary to popular opinion, I believe that every person has the ability to choose who they want to be. Of all those men and women having marriage woes, why is that man the only one that kills his spouse? Because he wants to and chooses to and that was going to be my conclusion: "I am who I am because I wish to be so" but then I realized that that couldn't be it. There must be a deeper motivation.

And when I asked myself "When I'm trying to be what I want to be, how do I choose which one?" and the question that came to mind was "What do I want to be and why do I want to be so?". It was then that I realized that it wasn't our choice that mattered, but the motivation behind that choice i.e. our ability to question that choice - something no animal is known to do.

Maybe that's why society asks us not to question anything. If we did start doing so, we may not stop and then we'll be labeled "evil" or "abnormal". But then you gotta ask yourself, if all of us started "questioning everything" and "understanding evil", would it still be called "evil"? More importantly, would we still be considered "abnormal"?

It is only after you've gone deep enough and understood all of this that you will (like me) sit back, look around, look at yourself and ask "Am I really evil?". And my answer will always be:

"Well, I don't know. Are you?"

In Sanity

I was walking home today and I started looking at the people around me. Saw this guy on a bike get cut off by an SUV and glare at the driver. I wanted to throw him off his bike and remind him that he was driving on a busy street with no defined bike lanes i.e. he was on the wrong. Why are bikers so obnoxious?

So anyway, after I'd walked past this guy, I felt some kind of anger bubbling inside me and I just felt like punching the next guy I saw on the street. And that's when I started wondering what it would be like. If I was to punch that guy in the face, how would he react? Would he be surprised? Would he cry? Would he punch back? Would people grab me and start beating me up? Would someone call the cops? What would happen? If I was to grab the next woman that walked by and give her a big warm hug and a kiss, would she accept it? Would I be slapped? Would she call the cops? Will it make me feel better? What if I reversed the two - punch the woman and hug the man? Would the reactions be the same? And then I thought some more....

It's almost winter. When it does hit, all the coats and jackets will come out. All the bright colors...the reds, the greens, the blues...will be replaced by a sea of blacks and greys. If you saw two people in the distance, you won't know which is which, who is who...whether they're fat/thin, tall/short, male/female, pretty/ugly, etc How do you tell a person if they cover what defines them? Which brings us to sunglasses...

Sunglasses are the smallest and most convenient masks of our time. If I looked at someone and smiled, not only do I not know if they saw it, but also how they react to it. You know the saying "smiling with your eyes", sunglasses ruin it. In my opinion, a person wearing sunglasses is hiding something and that makes them cold and unapproachable. You know that cute guy/girl that you've always wanted to talk to but could never approach? Take off your sunglasses and try....Trust me, it'll help. And if it doesn't, don't end up feeling like the world's ending...talking about which..here's my take on the world ending...

Ever wish you were a superhero? Someone that had superhuman abilities? I have. I've always wanted to be able to control matter. I've wanted to move my hand slightly and control someone's car or just make it explode as I walk by. Would it not be cool to have the power of Moses where you could control the sea? Would you cause a tsunami just to experience it?

Talking about tsunamis, how would I react to the world ending? If the world is to end on Dec 21, 2012 and we're hit by a big-ass asteroid, how would I react? How would you react? Would you run and hide? Would you call your loved ones? Would you loot a store? Have sex with a random stranger in the middle of the street? Break someone's head? Commit murder? Strip naked? Kill yourself? Cry? Go spend all your money? Eat as much as you want to? Get a gun? Would you follow the rules or break them? If you looked up and saw a giant tsunami wave taller than the tallest buildings approach your city, would you piss your pants? If you were working in the twin towers and saw that airplane come right at you, what would your last thoughts be? If you worked on one of the higher floors, would you jump? I would.

I've never had anything too odd happen to me. No real stories to tell around a campfire. The last "exciting" thing that happened to me was when I was walking home around 2am and got attacked by a drunk kid (He was in his early 20s). I ended up grabbing him by his throat, tackling him to the ground and then - after listening to him moaning about being unable to get up - using his phone to call his girlfriend and then putting him into a cab to her place. That story excites most people until the part where I play "The Nice Guy" in the end. But, I have my own ideals...

You know how they say that you should give everyone a second chance? I give them three. Everyone can make the same mistake twice. But, if someone makes the same mistake a third time, it's no longer a mistake, it's a conscious choice and that's when they'll get my reply. When that guy attacked me, I warned him two times...the third strike is when I took him out. But when he was lying on the pavement, he didn't get up to attack me again or throw insults at me. Instead, he cried for help and so I helped him. Second chance.

Maybe it's my patience or my general obliviousness to life as a whole, but I try to remain calm. Reacting is not my style and that's why if someone was to punch me in the face or randomly hug me, I'll probably just smile and shrug it off or give them a second or third chance. Everyone makes mistakes...After all, the reason we exist in the first place is that only 1 out of 3,000,000 chose the right path....

Sometimes I wonder if I'm alone in this world or there are more out there like me. Do we have the same thoughts at the same time or different times? Do we have the same lives? Are we a highly dispersed cult that doesn't know it yet? Will I ever meet any of "the others"?

As for "the others", do aliens really exist? Do they care about finding us as much as we want to find them? Will they attack us or just be apathetic? Do they have a God and Satan too? Do they have their own version of heavy metal and Lemmy? Will first contact be in my lifetime? Maybe they're reading this right now and smirking at us..or maybe not.

Maybe you're still reading this..maybe you're not. Does it matter? Do we care? Does it change anything?

But then, does any of this? Maybe I'm talking sense or these ramblings really don't mean anything to anyone.

Sometimes I wonder if I am really (going) crazy...

But then, more importantly, are you?

Out of this world

Greetings, Earthlings! I have decided to let you in on a little secret. Something sensational, something extraordinary, something not-so-fun-to-know. A lot of non-existent you have often wondered if your history really roots from beings out of this world; whether Lady Gaga is a man after all; and least importantly, if I am, after all, a being from outer space. I am very very sorry to tell you that though the first and third rumors are true after all, Lady Gaga really is one of our science experiments from the not-so-distant-past future that has somehow escaped from one of our low-security laboratories after promising impossible things to one of our junior scientists and then knocking him out cold with a frozen banana, which incidentally was supposed to be the young man's lunch the next day. (Yes, even in the future, those nerds will do anything to get laid. Don't even ask me to start off about the young man who we appointed to work in the cryogenic lab and found out later that he was a necrophiliac who thought he was working in a morgue. Messy business, I tell you.)

Anyway, back to the point: Yes humans, the Scientologists are right after all; you WERE descended from your distant cousins from the planet Rambakaltka which revolves around the star Zinkalagua in the galaxy WootWoot. Ask me this a while later and the information may change. You see, unlike you humans, we do not stick to the same old boring names; we change them every once in a while - where a while is defined as "the amount of time that passes before one gets bored of something and needs to change it". Why am I telling you all this? Because you are not only misinterpreting us, you are also blindly copying those misinterpretations and making them part of your daily life. Of course, we should be proud of ourselves for influencing the culture of our past-future generations; but frankly, it is irritating. By copying us what you are doing is getting us bored earlier than a while and so we have to come up with new terms to keep ourselves different from you.

Now, I bet a lot of non-existent you are going "What? What are you talking about? We are humans. We don't copy anyone! We come up with our own terms.", and I don't blame the ignorant lot of you. That's why we are your great grandchild-fathers after all. The terms I am referring to are all those terms that you like to consider "cool" (That was one of our terms) and "hip" (That too) and just plain "awesome" (We'll come to this one in a bit). Some of the terms we aren't proud of using ourselves, of course; the most well-known of them being "the F word". Now, let's start with a little future-history lesson.

Us Chinkolovians had always been a quiet race. Our voices always ranged between the 120 dB and 200 dB range and always hit the lower pitches. "Aha!", you say, "doesn't metal music cover the same ranges? No wonder it sounds so out-of-this-world to so many of us". Well, the answer is yes. We left everything behind on our future planet, but we couldn't leave our music behind. But most of the so-called metal bands are the Limbers who are trying to reveal "The Truth" to you i.e. what I'm telling you right now. Of course, considering that not many of you really read this blog and that none of you will really believe this post, I think the secret is quite safe that way AND out-there too. So, in the future, when the world starts crying foul and saying that they were never told of their impending fate, we'll just point here and say "Well, it was quite out-there, wasn't it? Not our fault that you didn't pay attention, muchinto." Of course your so-called metal bands are just some of us that want to enlighten you; the rest of us are just "fitting in".

But anyway, as I was saying, we were a comparatively quiet race that got/gets bored very easily. So, we decided to see if we could find another planet to spend a while or two (or three) on. Unfortunately, we loved your little blue-green planet so much that we've been here for some while here. Of course, with our discovery of the time machine, we decided to land here when your super-ancestors were about to evolve into - well - something completely different from what you are now. Unfortunately, we killed most of them when we landed in Babylon. Yes, Alexander was one of our biggest Dungeons & Dragons enthusiast. Explains why he was gay, doesn't it? Too bad our Persian crew were bigger fans of "Prince of Persia Multiplayer Edition" and always loved to play the bad guys. Sad ending to an even sadder life, I'd say. We did save a few specimens of your ancestors, of course, and we experimented on them in the future. We tried to speed up their development process to see how you would have looked in the next few thousand years. Unfortunately, a few accidents with a time machine and a very imperfect genetic replicator have lead to some of them ending up in different parts of your history. I can't really name a lot of them from your history, but they do seem to love your twentieth century a lot. To name a few over the last century: Adolf Hitler (the prick), George Michael, Britney Spears, Lady Gaga and (we have reason to believe that this one's the youngest specimen yet) Justin Bieber.

Then, of course, we moved to Rome and built our headquarters there (Hence the phrase "All roads lead to Rome"). But then some of our more adventurous morons decided to "look for new land" and ended up in the Carribean and named it after a country that's half-way across the world from there. Yes, Christopher Columbus, we're looking at you. Good thing our cannibals got to him before we did. Don't get us wrong though, we love adventure (We did come to your planet, didn't we?). What ticks us off is these unimaginative fools who want to be adventurous but do not want to accept change. Case in point: The city Rome. We used the phrase "All roads lead to Rome" because our headquarters were in Rome. But these morons! Just because they didn't want to let go off that phrase, they built a city called Rome on every continent! Do you realize how difficult it is for our Inter-galactic Positioning Systems to work with that? Why don't you try having two streets with the same name in your city and then drive with a GPS? Then you'll understand our frustrations.

Our history after our Roman settlement has (very accurately) been fabricated by our wonderful scientists and I don't think I need to repeat something you have libraries for, you lazy humans. So, let's get back to the main reason why I started this one-sided discussion: You're stealing our phrases! You have been stealing them all along and a lot more recently. And frankly, our dears, we do give a damn! What you have done is taken some of our scientific terms and memories of our home planet and used them in the most grotesque way.

Let's start with the most common one nowadays: Cool. This was one of our scientific terms. It originated from our cryogenic labs. When we said something was "cool", it meant that it had reached optimal temperature of sustained sustenance. So, when we labeled something as "cool", we meant to say that it was working like it was meant to. But now, you humans use it to mean everything.

Then, you stole our word "awesome". Funnily, you don't realize that "awesome" is the name of our favorite fruit. It tastes a lot like a mango, is shaped like a pear and looks like strawberries with thorns on them. Delicious! Why do we love it so much? Because it is so hard to get and eat (the thorns are razor sharp). So, when we said something was "awesome", we meant that it was not-easily achievable, but worth all the effort. Though you use it in the same context, it does sound funny. How would you feel if we said "That guy is such a banana"? Funny, right? So yes, we don't mind you using this one because it gives us another opportunity to laugh at you ignorant morons.

But, the most irritating copy is our word "dude". I mean, seriously humans, we're not as stupid as you. We do not go around calling each other "human". Why did you have to steal the term we used to refer to people from our race? You are not dudes!! You are humans! Get it? Humans, not dudes! Stop calling yourselves dudes! Else, we'll release another Paris Hilton on you...intentionally this time.

So yes, as your great grandchid-fathers, we want you humans to stop using our terms so that we can concentrate on more important matters at hand like inventing hoverboards for you. What you should be doing is coming up with your own original vocabulary.

Oh, wait a minute, one of my colleagues just informed me that you do have an original vocabulary. Now now, don't be too proud of it though. We've heard that you use words like "sick" and "wicked" instead of "cool" and "awesome" now. Considering that you don't realize that a few decades ago the terms were used to refer to something bad/in a bad shape, I believe there is no harm in assuming that you humans are just plain stupid and we really shouldn't expect much from you.

Now, I regret wasting so much time on this post and trying to explain such deep ideas with you. I guess we'll just silently watch you rot your stupid brains away. Carry on, humans. Make us unproud of being part of your future ancestry.

Maybe we should've let those iguanas evolve after all....

[Post Publishing: A lot of non-existent you have asked me to explain how "The F Word" was stolen by you morons. Well, "The F word" i.e. FUCK was actually a scientific term we used to say "Finding Unexpected Critical Korombos". Korombos are these really irritating bugs that end up making a lot of noise, but don't really do anything. We use the term for our experiments because they usually involve getting rid of some minor bugs that don't affect the system on a whole. Thus, the phrases "FUCK it" and "We don't give a FUCK". Too bad you misinterpreted it as "sexual intercourse between two human beings". Seriously, even the crocodiles could evolve into something smarter than you! :-| ]

A very Canadian reboot

So, I just checked this blog after a long time and realized that I have been giving too much attention to my "Good Guys Always Finish Last" blog and this blog was feeling like a first-born child. Of course, if you're from an Indian family; the equivalent there is a daughter. Don't believe me? Ask my sister. She'll give you a course on "Why it sucks to be a girl in an Indian family". Anyway, I noticed that the number of posts on this blog have gone down drastically: 28 in 2007, 14 in 2008 and a miserable 3 in 2009. At this rate, this should be my final post for this blog. But, I promise you, oh non-existent fans of my wonderful, wonderful blog, that this beast shall rise again from its year-long slumber and basically..well..ummm..sit here and stare at you like those lions sitting at the steps of some temple I do not remember right now (and probably won't for a while now). So yea, once again..*heavily-used line time*.."here goes nothing":

Tomorrow is a holiday. Victoria Day in Canada. Officially, it is the last Monday before or on May 24th (Queen Victoria's birthday). Now, you must be wondering why we choose to celebrate it on the "first Monday before or on May 24" and not on May 24th itself, right? I bet that thought is followed by "Are Canadians as stupid as the Americans have us believe?". Yes, we know.

You see, Canada is a country where we spend 9 months of the year shoveling snow off our driveways and hibernating in our little igloos and playing ice polo on moose and polar bears. Yes, we know that ice polo isn't an international sport like curling, wife-carrying and, of course, government-bashing; and we like it that way. Now, stop crying! We know polar bear riding is awesome! That's why we invented ice polo in the first place!

Anyway, back to the point: Because we spend 9 months of every year covered in snow and super-chilly winds, we really like to enjoy the other seasons: 2 weeks of spring, 8 weeks of monsoon-summer and 2 weeks of fall. That is why we love our summer-monsoon weekends. After all, we'd like to see what the fuss is all about too. That is why during our 6 weeks of summer-monsoon, we try to cram in as many long weekends as we can. Unfortunately, since Canada Day (July 1st) cannot be turned into a long weekend, we decided to celebrate our late Queen's birthday on a flexible schedule (I bet she doesn't really mind right now).

The truth is that the late Queen's birthday is our first summer-monsoon long weekend. Though I distinctly remember it being quite cold this time last year. But hey, weather prediction does tend to get really boring when you have to keep saying "Tomorrow, we shall have snow....again!" all the time. All we really care about is the opportunity to stay home and try to be a bit like our tropical friends all over the world.

Talking about staying home, a lot of us Canucks like to refer to this weekend as the "May Two-Four" weekend and I assure you that is has nothing to do with anything but the fact that beer is available in 24-packs, which (going by our conservative Canadian spending habits) is much cheaper than a 6-pack and is much more beer than what we get at the same price at the local pub down the street. But yes, that is why we love the "May Two-Four" weekend even more.

Of course, we do toast our late Head of State and give her the moments of respect that she deserves, though I really cannot say for certain if we toast her more for being our late Head of State or for being born in the middle of summer. Officially, of course, it is the former and well, you know the real thing. We obviously do remember her the next day, when we get our hangovers.

Now, a lot of you may be wondering why we do not celebrate the birthdays of the other Kings or Queens. The explanation is: 1. Queen Victoria was our first "Head of State" when we gained independence on July 1st, 1867; and 2 The birthdays of all her successors were either too close to hers or in winter. Thus, as you see, it doesn't make sense to celebrate any of them as we simply would not enjoy the back-to-back hangovers and the extra days in winter. But, our current Head of State, Queen of Elizabeth II was born on April 21st, which is the beginning of spring and we really are looking forward to celebrating that one soon enough.

Unfortunately, since we cannot celebrate the birthday of a living Head of State (Who do we think we are? North Korea?), we can only keep singing the Sex Pistols' version of "God save the Queen" and wait for it to take effect sooner rather than later and we are allowed to bring out the beers (and bears) a month earlier. Till then, I guess we'll just get on with our seal rides in the ice-cold waters of the Arctic and tempting the Alaskans to secede from our wonderful neighbors down south and be right where they belong.

Happy Victoria Day! *hic hic*

Year Three

Today is September 15th, 2009. I don't really need to tell you this because it shows up next to this post. Contrary to popular belief and urban legends, I am not stupid. I mention the date because it has a meaning. On September 14th, 2007 yours truly flew out of his home country to setup home in a foreign country. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, 2 years and 1 day ago, I officially "moved" to Canada (I can't say I "set foot" here because of the simple reason that I had come here on January 23, 2006 to complete the final formality to be granted immigration to this country).

I realize that it's been 2 years since I arrived here. 4 days ago, I also completed 18 months with my organization. And like every other idiot looking back at the past 2 years, I'd like to say "It's been one hell of a rollercoaster ride!". Apart from the fact that I've grown 2 years older and am now a part of The Rat Race, life has been good and bad. But unlike my previous posts, I'm not going to put up a list this time. Instead, I'll probably make a kind of timeline. I know it's another way of making a list, but I guess that's what I'm good at i.e. listing things out. So, here goes:

28 Jul 2007: Convocation. Finally, an engineer.
14 Sep 2007: Arrive in Toronto, Canada. Stay with cousins.
29 Sep 2007: Move out of cousin's condo, move into a condo shared with 2 guys.
11 Mar 2008: First day at work.
Sometime in Mar 2008: Buy myself an iPod Shuffle. My first ever iPod.
11 Apr 2008: 2-day winter camping trip in Algonquin National Park with roommates and a friend.
Sometime in May 2008: One roommate leaves for India. Get another roommate.
18 Apr 2008: 2-day trip to Montreal with cousins to celebrate the birthday of one of them.
10 Jul 2008: Sister arrives in Toronto. Put her up with cousins.
17 Jul 2008: Sister moves in with me.
31 Jul 2008: Another girl moves in with us. 4 people in a 2-bedroom condo. It's still all good. Couch is my new best friend.
14 Aug 2008: Go to my first rock concert. Eddie Vedder (from Pearl Jam).
16 Aug 2008: Raksha Bandhan with sis after 5 years. Gift her an iPod Shuffle.
5 Sep 2008: Take sister to her first rock concert. Bryan Adams. Take roommates out as well. Celebrating 1 year in Canada.
28 Sep 2008: Get a 10-year multiple entry visa for United States. Very happy!
6 Oct 2008: Roommate leaves. I cut off all relations with him. He is a bastard.
26 Dec 2008: First Boxing Day experience. Buy 2 iPod Classics for myself and sis. Buy a Macbook and gift it to sis for her upcoming birthday.
14 Jan 2009: Sister goes to India to finish her exams.
18 Jan 2009: First and only weekend all alone in this country. Decide to have a blast.
20 Jan 2009: See Cradle of Filth in concert. Dream come true :-)
22 Jan 2009: Parents arrive in Toronto, Canada. They start living with me.
11 Mar 2009: Complete 1 year with my organization.
25 Mar 2009: See Prodigy in concert. Realize that techno concerts aren't my cup of tea/coffee. Concert ticket was a birthday gift for a friend.
29 Mar 2009: Celebrate aforementioned friend's birthday. Best day out with friends after a long time.
21 Apr 2009: Sister comes back to Toronto. Starts living with us. 5 people in a 2-bedroom condo. Nightmare come true. Couch becomes my best friend again.
26 May 2009: Take sister for Disturbed in concert. Last rock concert we've been to till now.
31 May 2009: Move into a bigger new 2-bed condo. Feel happy.
11 Sep 2009: Complete 18 months with my organization.
14 Sep 2009: Complete 2 years in Canada i.e. PR requirements completed. 1 more year before I can apply for citizenship.

I guess that's pretty much everything. Life's not been very interesting really. I've made friends, I've lost most of them. Life's been going on and on. If anything interesting happens, I'll let you guys know. Till then, have fun!

My Power Song

I found my power song. It's called "This is Your Life" from the OST of the movie "Fight Club". Here is the video:



Here are the lyrics:

..And you open the door and you step inside
We're inside our hearts
Now imagine your pain as a white ball of healing light
That's right, your pain, the pain itself is a white ball of healing light
I don't think so

This is your life
Good to the last drop
Doesn't get any better than this
This is your life
And it's ending one minute at a time
This isn't a seminar
This isn't a weekend retreat
Where you are now you can't even imagine what the bottom will be like

Only after disaster can we be resurrected
It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything

Nothing is static
Everything is evolving
Everything is falling apart

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake
You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else
We are all a part of the same compost heap
We are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world

You are not your bank account
You are not the clothes you wear
You are not the contents of your wallet
You are not your bowel cancer
You are not your grande latte
You are not the car you drive
You are not your fucking khakis!

You have to give up
You have to realize that someday you will die
Until you know that, you are useless

I say: "Let me never be complete"
I say: "May I never be content"
I say: "Deliver me from Swedish furniture"
I say: "Deliver me from clever art"
I say: "Deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth"
I say: "You have to give up"
I say: "Evolve, and let the chips fall where they may"

I want you to hit me as hard as you can!

Welcome to fight club
If this is your first night, you have to fight

:-)

Happy Fuckin' Easter

Once again, it's been a loooooooooong time since I last posted out here. Sorry about that folks! (As if anyone even reads this. Haha) Anyway, I had to make this post because I'm back from my li'l hiatus from metal again :-)

On April 16th 2009, I went for a concert. A 5-hour, 5-band metal concert! Fuck yea! The concert was part of Lamb of God's No Fear Music Tour. The featured bands were:

1. Lamb of God (obviously!)
2. Children of Bodom
3. As I Lay Dying
4. Municipal Waste
5. God Forbid

I had floor tickets for the concert. This means that I could be right under the bands' noses (and I practically was). Personally, I believe it's no use going to a metal concert if you have to stand in the "seating area". It just doesn't feel right!!

Anyway, since I had work till 5pm on that day and the doors were gonna open at 6pm, I managed to reach the concert only by 6:30pm, and so I missed God Forbid :-( But, I was right in front of the stage!! I was soooooo happy!! I stood right below the MASSIVE speakers! :-D Municipal Waste lived upto their name i.e. they sucked!! But As I Lay Dying was pretty AWESOME!! When Children of Bodom got on stage, I was just 10 feet away from Alexi Liaho at times. It was so fuckin' good!! You know the music is real fuckin' loud when the guitars for a song start feeling like they're coming from your head instead of the speakers!! When Lamb of God got on stage, you won't believe how the place erupted!! Every song was fuckin' AWESOME! It felt soooo good!! I had a silly smile on my face :-) I felt like this was it. The best day I've had yet.

Since I landed in Toronto, these are the artists I've seen live:

1. Eddie Vedder
2. Bryan Adams
3. In Flames, All that Remains, Gojira, 36 CrazyFists
4. The Australian Pink Floyd Show
   
5. Cradle of Filth, SepticFlesh, Satyricon
6. The Prodigy
7. Lamb of God, Children of Bodom, As I Lay Dying, Municipal Waste, God Forbid

Out of all these concerts, I thought Prodigy was the loudest as I was in The Pit for that. But the Lamb of God concert just raped The Prodigy repeatedly, killed it and then raped it again! It was soo fuckin' loud!! I could hear the Double Bass drum pound in my chest like it was gonna rip my heart out. I could feel the guitars in my head. I could hear the lead singer scream right in my face. It was insane! When I got outta the concert, my right ear was totally blown coz I was standing next to the speakers and looking left to see the stage i.e. my right ear was facing the speakers throughout. When I put my iPod in my ears and tried listening to Cradle of Filth on full volume, it felt like it was on 30% volume or something. I got home and tried talking to the building concierge and I felt like he was talking to me from across the lobby or something. I got home and went to sleep, texting a friend about how much louder this concert was compared to The Prodigy concer we went to and how great it made me feel. When she sent me a reply, I had the fone next to my right ear and felt like my fone was kept 20 feet away from me. I woke up in the morning, with the alarm on my cellfone sounding like it was still 20 feet away from me. On my way to work, I couldn't hear most of the people talking around me. It got worse at work coz I couldn't hear a thing all day. Only in the evening did I manage to start hearing better. I'm ok now. Though the whole concert gave me such a bad ear problem, I loved every bit of it. :-) It made me feel good, it made me feel alive, it made me feel invincible!!

During the concert (and like all other metal concerts I've been to), I realized once again that metal really is my religion. As a matter of fact, metal is my REAL fuckin' religion!! And this concert was my way of celebrating Easter. Just like Easter is celebrated to acknowledge the resurrection of Jesus, this was my way of celebrating the resurrection of metal. One of the things that the LoG lead singer talked about was how there was a time when Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer and Anthrax had played in the 80s or 90s once and sadly said "Metal is dead now". Then the LoG singer said, "Toronto! You prove to the world that metal is not dead yet. It's coming back! Thank you!" And I believe he was quite right! Metal IS making a comeback. (How else do you explain LoG's latest album debuting at No. 2 in US Billboard and No. 1 in Canada?)

So yea, Fuck you hip-hoppers and rappers! Time to pull up your underwears as high as you can, coz metal is coming back like fuckin' hell and it's gonna make you shit your pants pretty soon!

Fuck yea!! Metal forever!! \m/